Let’s be clear: wedding is girls’ stuff.
I mean they teach you, along time and using every kind of cultural tool, you are always a romantic soul and you have to marry. (a synonim of not being alone, because being alone means you are going to suffer much more than people living in couple).
Boys, often, learn how to get away with marriage. And yet, they are able to stay because they find out the one they are looking for.
One of the first difference among girls and boys about marriage is what it means.
Girls: “I marry you to choose to stay with you all day long and every day”.
Boys: “ehm…so , here we are and I can sit on my couch to watch TV. You tell me, I’ll do it”.
Statistics show how often marriages and unions are going to run out. I think the main reason why is that you are pushing yourself into a dream. The truth is you have to consider imperfections above all and to live (each other) together with them.
What I’m trying to do now, follow my experience and my intuition, is to draw 3- ready-to-marry-type to create something you can recognise yourself in, to warn you and suggest you.
1) “Let’s have a change: let’s marry!” You have been engaging sine 10 years, (since high school, since university). You are the endless fiancées. You are living together, doing holidays together, having breakfast together, making crosswords together. And at a certain point, you feel like a sting. A little and persistent one. You need something new. And something official. You need to marry.
Warning: it will be always you who are going to marry, the ones who are living together, watching tv together, having breakfast together.
Advice: if you belong this category, I suggest a period of separation, I mean trying to create a status quo ante in which your lives were didived and you were looking forward to see each other, creating suspence and waiting. Consider how really is staying separated for a while. Maybe you will come together or maybe you will realise, you really have to mary each other.
2) “Ready to marry since I was four”. “Ok, I have yet my wedding dress chosen. And more, I know what will inspire my wedding ceremony and party. I know where to order my wedding mementos. I am a very organised person, because I have been planning this day since I was four”. You are the one in love with the idea of getting marry, I can tell. Maybe you are engaged, yet, often, not. Because you are still looking for your charming prince or fairy princess: he/she doesn’t exist. Believe me. What exist is you and what you really want from a man or a woman and from yourself being into a relationship. What you really can accept or sustain. Maybe your wedding day will be a fairy one because you need strenght to go on every day, keep on believing dreams came – possibly – true. This could be a very passionate approach to live and feel you are ready to get married.
Warning: every frog can be a charming prince/princess.
Advice: certainly your heart will tell the truth.
3) “It’s my time now”. Ok you are in career. You won. You climbed every mountain to see the world at your feet. Like a rocket, you went straight to the target. The target is you: your realisation, your identity discovery and creation. So now you are in your office, watching the world flowing and you start wondering if you miss something. Ok, you got your one-night stand occasions -thanks to hormones – but now you feel tired. You got everything you have ever wanted but still something is missing. You are looking for love, someone to share your life with. You are on the top of your world but you can’t see precisely what you need. And you start considering how you like the first time you fall in love. So, itìs time to begin another contest. And you will win it. You will find love. And you will marry.
Warning: please do not consider the need of being completed as another goal to reach.
Advice: to climb a mountain you have to go up. To discover really your would like to marry, your head has to go down to into your heart.